THE LAWYER CAUGHT CHEATING HIS WIFE

THE FAMILY PROBLEM WITH BRIM

In my country, last year, the government decided to boost or increase the families poverty alleviation benefits known as BRIM. He announced to pay men and women with monthly earnings below Rm3000.to almost doubled the amount previously given. So there was this jobless man with 4 children, when he heard the news in the TV, In happiness and disbelief he yelled his wife’s name…So the following conversation took place.

HUSBAND: Syirah!…Syirah!! Where are you? Come, come ….Come and listen to this news update!

WIFE: Yes Abang, what is the story about?

HUSBAND: The government just announced increasing the social Benefits incentives: He also announced that every parent with five kids and above will be given a very higher financial support

WIFE: Wow! That’s great news

HUSBAND: Now Insyirah, I have a kid with my ex-girlfriend

WIFE: What?

HUSBAND: No-No-No don’t argue with me, because I am going to bring him to our 4 kids to make 5 Children as the government wanted it.

(Syirah was silent, she said nothing while the man left the house…50 minutes later, he returned back home with the young boy, but to his surprised he met only one boy at home and asked)

HUSBAND: Syirah!, where are our kids…….I can’t see any of them except this one.

WIFE:Abang, you are not the only who heard the news, as you left, the kids father also came to collect his own kids too.

HUSBAND: What?,

WIFE: Please don’t argue with me….Because you are not their real father, I just kept it a secret.

(The man heard it and fainted)

A HUSBAND WHO POISONED HIS WIFE

A sick woman was lying on her sick bed with her husband beside her, she turned to him and said:

WIFE: I am sorry, about what I want to say to you. I have a confession to make before I die.

HUSBAND: My dear, save your breath, there’s no need, just gather your strength.

WIFE: (INTERRUPTED) Noooo, I want to say it, I keep it inside me any longer, so that when I am dead my spirit will be at rest.

“I have been stealing your money and giving them to my secret boyfriend,……You are not the father of our son…Mat”

“I was the one who stole your Gold wristwatch and hid it in your sister’s bag so that you will chase her away from our home..

“I used to peewee in your soup and passed to you to eat Nasi…..Please Forgive me…

HUSBAND: I told you not to worry yourself because I am aware of this entire incidence, that’s why I poisoned you, so please keep calm and let the poison work.

(When his wife heard this she entered Comatose)

THE CHEATING LAWYER

There was this married lawyer who was unfaithful to his wife, he has lots of mistresses outside, but one day, his actions were caught. At this very day he just finished up with one of his spouses in his car. When he got home his wife decided to use his car to the nearby shop and found a lady’s underwear inside the car. She was terribly mad as she tore the the underwear to shreds (pieces), screaming

WIFE: Honey,! Honey!!! What is this? I have caught you red handed today, I knew this will happen.

(When her husband saw the torn panty, he was weak, he held his head and slowly sat down and said softly, as if he was choking…

HUSBAND: Please give me a glass of water

WIFE: So now you needed water to cool your nerves because I have caught you.

HUSBAND: (SOFTLY REPLIED) No it’s not that, I am finished, you have ruined my whole life carrier……Hmmmm, Oh God! You see, you have just destroyed the only formidable evidence of a rape case, I am handling, worth millions of RINGGIT……

(When his wife heard this, she quickly knelt down at his kneels, apologizing and begging him to forgive her jealousy, then she said

WIFE: Honey please forgive, I know God will surely bring another better case for you.

(His wife didn’t know her husband was too smart)

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HOW TO CHANGE AND DENY YOUR RACE- A VERY SIMPLE STEPS

A father and his son son were travelling by flight from Cameroon to Germany, so as  they were crossing the Atlantic ocean, there was a severe turbulence,

 Then the pilot announced: Ladies an gentlemen, please sit down and fasten your seat belt as you can see, the seat belt signal is switched on and we are experiencing a turbulence due to the gravitational pull of the ocean current as a result of the moon...our flight attendance will see to all your needs..Thank you.

 some few minutes later, there was another announcement, hello everyone Good afternoon this is the pilot speaking again, we are losing altitude and I will advice that all heavy luggages in the plane should be thrown out...Thank you

 A few minutes later, he called again; we are still losing altitude, please assist the cabin crews to dispose all luggages and handbags in the cabin...thank you.

As the plane continues it’s descent despite more things were being thrown out. The pilot announced again, “Still going down, we must throw out some people”

There was a big gasp from the passengers! Then the pilot added, “To make this fair, passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical order according to your names. So he called A, A, is there any Africans on board?”

No one moved.

“B, B,... any Blacks on board?”

No one moved as well.

“C, any Coloureds on board?”

Still nobody moved.

“D, any Darkies?”

The little black Cameroonian boy accompanying his dad, was wondering then asked his father..... Dad, the Pilot has been calling for Africans, Blacks..even Darkies you didn't answer, so dad, ...What are we Dad?

His Dad replied, “Today son,  at this very moment, we are Zulus” The last of the alphabetical race.

BILL GATES

The following conversation ensued between a mother and her son. Enjoy it:

Mother: Dan. I have a confession to make. Which I should have disclosed to you long time ago but I didn’t know how you would take it. I’m sorry son, When I was nineteen years old, I slept with someone that is not your dad 23 years ago. But the truth is that person is your real father and not the one you know of.

Dan: Mum, Mum what kind of setup is this? Do you want me to believe this?...Just tell me how am I going to deal with this devastating news?!
You should be Jailed for this, this is child abuse,...This is a physiological, physical and mental torture you are chastising on me.

Mother: Dan...Dan Listen, I’m so sorry he was my first love and I could not marry him.for reasons That I wanted to keep it private. He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his son for the first time ever. Please take the phone and talk to him, Don't turn him down please....

Dan: No I am speaking to No one!. I’ll never speak to him. Mr Mat is the only father I know and so will that be fullstop!

Mother: Please don’t be so upset. Just say something to him.

Dan: Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind!, I am going to insult him for treating me that way...for abandoning me, and will tell him I have already got a father. ( so Dan pick the phone)

Dan: Hello! Hello!! Who are you?
Caller: Morning Son, I am Bill Gates . I am your real father.

Dan:  Ha!Dad! Dad!! Dad!!! is that you? Thank God! Bill Gate?Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! I didn't know it was you
Love you so much, dad..........

 Funny right

IN OTHER NEWS:

THE ACCIDENT AND THE POLITICIANS