HOW A PSYCHIATRIC PATIENT FLEW AN AIRPLANE (Tanjung Rambutan)

JOKES.......FUN....LAUGHS CORNER

THE PROBLEM WITH THE RICH

As a common man in the society, sometimes when you visit the rich men in their house, you may find yourself in a confused situations, Just like this poor fellow, who was invited to have a one on one talk with a very wealthy man in his country home ranch.As he got to the house, the rich man invited him to have a seat. he obeyed and gladly sat down, there came the house maid (with the following conversations)

MAID: Welcome sir and what would you like to have, Fruit juice, Yogurt, Tea, Chocolate, Cappuccino, or Coffee?

GUEST: Tea please and thanks for asking.

MAID: What flavour of Tea, we have ....Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea,ginseng tea, kericho gold tea, bush tea or green tea?

GUEST: Ceylon tea will be fine for me.

MAID: how do you prefer it?,...black or white?

GUEST: white....

MAID: condensed milk, evaporated milk  or fresh cream?

GUEST: Evaporated milk.

MAID: Goat milk or Cow"s milk?

GUEST: Cow’s milk.

MAID: New-Zealand cow or Australian cow?

GUEST: umm, l am ok with the New-Zealand cow.

MAID: would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?

GUEST: sugar will do.

MAID: Bee sugar or cane sugar?

GUEST: Cane sugar

MAID: White, Brown or Yellow sugar?

   (By this time the guest ihas begun to be furious and irritated, and he angrily replied)

GUEST: What’s all the questions about, please forget about the tea, and just give me a

glass of water.

MAID:Ok Sir,  Mineral water, tap water, spring water or distilled water?
GUEST: mineral water.

MAID: flavoured or unflavoured?

GUEST: in-fact, I am no longer tasty, get me an empty glass!

MAID: Do you want a Tumbler, Wine glass, Champagne flute or a beer mug?

GUEST: please I am begging you give me some freedom; What kind of problem is this? .....Never mind I will swallow my Saliva.

 A PSYCHIATRIC AND THE PILOT

      One day, a plane was transporting thirty-five critical mental patients to another psychiatric hospital for better treatment.

                  During the journey, the patients were impatience and restless, they were making lots of uncontrollable noises it became so noisy and uncontrollably that one of the insane patients stood up and went to the pilot and demanded that the pilot should teach him how to fly an airplane. 
     The pilot knew that his request is completely impossible to grant for the safety of everyone in the plane,and at the same time, he never wanted to offend the patient or been cruel to him, so he thought of another impossible task for the patient to carry out before he could be allowed to learn how to fly the plane ( So the following conversations took place)


PILOT: yes please, don't worry bothe the co pilot and I will definitely teach you how to fly a plane but on a condition that you should first organize and control your friends to be quiet and never to make anymore noise.

PATIENT: Is that all? that is easy for me to do....(so he left and came back to the pilot after some 5 minutes later.)

  PILOT: Are you back? Wow! so fast

PATIENT:I have done it, how about now? Do you still hear any noise?

PILOT: (Surprised and asked)no1 It's all peaceful now...Are they all sleeping? In fact, how were you able to do that?

PATIENT: That was simple, I just opened the  door and asked them to go and play football outside!

And so they all went ........Don’t worry they will soon come back when it’s time for food. I think it's your turn to fulfil your own promise now.
 The pilot heard this and he fainted.


COMMANDING WIFE

One Day an angry wife called her husband on the mobile phone and yelled at him

.
 WIFE: Where the hell are you? You have been gone for the past one hour.

HUSBAND: Honey, do you remember that gold shop? Where you saw the diamond necklace and you

 totally fell in love with it.?

WIFE (Temper relaxed): Yes, my sweetheart, I remembered very well, how could I forget that Diamond.

 HUSBAND: Do you remembered that day, I had no cash to buy it for you and I promised that I will surely buy it for you one day?

WIFE: (totally relaxed with a smile and a blushed): Yes my king, the owner of my heart, I remembered fully well!

HUSBAND:: OK! Good!  I am in a barbing salon next to that shop cutting my hair

WIFE: (Disappointed, she immediately answered back)Just come back home and eat your eyes today..foolish man.

MORE INTERESTING STORIES NEXT PAGE:
WHAT HATRED MADE ME DO...AND WILL REGRET THIS FOREVER

TRAGEDY: HOW I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS

 A young man wanted to get rid of his nagging and over demanding girlfriend. He tried every possible attempt which did not work. One day, an idea came into his head. As he searched a website called myspace.com, and browsed into people's profiles and succeeded in downloading four enchanting and beautiful girl’s photos.  He printed them out and wrote R.I.P (Rest In Peace) with a red ink on each of the pictures. He hid them in a magazine and left it on the table. One morning, as his girlfriend was cleaning the house, she saw the photos in the magazine, and walked up to him asking:

GIRLFRIEND: Darling!

YOUNG MAN: Sweetie, what is it?

GIRLFRIEND: I saw these female pictures in a magazine on the table, who are these girls?

YOUNG MAN: Oh! Sweetie! Please forget about them, it's not as important like our future together

GIRLFRIEND: It's important to me, I need to know please…if you don’t tell me, it means you don’t love me.

YOUNG MAN: OK, this one is Sarah; I met her at a friend's wedding. We dated and wanted to get married but just 2 months before our wedding celebration, she got involved in a car accident and died of a broken skull and a broken neck. This one is Natash, we met at Mac-Donald’s in PJ, we dated for a while. One day as she was driving to Pahang, her car was carelessly by a Tractor, immediately her car caught fire and she was burnt beyond recognition.

GIRLFRIEND: ( Sweating) Hmmmmmm! Unbelievable…OK continue…What about these ones?

YOUNG MAN: This one is  Janei, she was my neighbor's daughter who came back from Amsterdam, to spend 2weeks holiday with her parents. We met and spent a night together. Two days later, I was told she was among the dead in the ghastly Indonesian plane crash.. In fact,the worst problem was that her corpse was never found.

       This one,......... Oh Nina my love. ,..Her name was Nina; I almost killed myself when I lost this particular girl …..We went to visit my friend, on our way back, a truck ran over our small mini car, she died instantly, the truck driver and I, alone survived the accident.. It was after her death that I met you.

GIRLFRIEND: Meet who? Me?! You are crazy; You must be out of your mind! I am no longer interested in this relationship, Why have you kept these all secret from me ever-since....bye-bye and Good luck. I can’t be part of your ill-cursed life and accidental life.

(She instantly picked up her handbag and took to her heels).